Never trust a wizard...

Iranian police are looking for a phony sorcerer who conned a man into believing he was invisible and could rob banks, the Jam-e Jam newspaper said Thursday.

Customers at a Tehran bank quickly overpowered the deluded robber after he started snatching banknotes from their hands.

Appearing in court, the repentant thief said he paid five million riyals ($625) to a man who gave him some spells and told him to tie them to his arm to become invisible.

"I made a mistake. I understand now what a big trick was played on me," the would-be bank robber was reported as telling the judge.

His name was not released.

I swear I didn't make any of that up.  Somebody else might have, but all I didn't...but just the same there's gotta be video of this somewhere to prove it's true.  Don't they have security cameras in banks in Tehran?

This is why you can never trust a wizard.  They always pull shit like this.  Witches too.  I just took my kids to see the movie "Brave", and  basically the story goes that a princess wants to marry who she wants, but her mother wants to arrange the marriage for her.  So the princess does what any rational person would do, she goes to a witch to have her cast a spell on her mother to "change" her.  Well the witch changes her allright...changes her into a (spoiler alert) freakin bear.  So screw you, wizards, witches, and sorcerers...you're never getting any of my hard earned riyals, I know what you bastards are up to...

Cy Young Winner and Terrible Bank Robber Randy Johnson

By the way...Don't tell me that's not the Big Unit in that mugshot.  I am 100% convinced it is. 

Save my Direct TV....

I got an email today from my bank, one of those spammy types that tries to get you to apply for one of their bullshit credit cards.  I'm good with that, I like my bank, I want it to succeed, and if sending out stupid ass emails like that helps them along then it's good with me.  But where they got me was at the end of the email.  It said, and I quote, "Please consider the environment when deciding to print this email".  How fucking arrogant, condescending, and outright bunch of bullshit is that statement?
So, THEY sent ME this unsolicited email.  And now its up to me to save the trees by not printing out this borderline spam.  I had no intentions of printing it out until I read that, but now I want to print about 3,000 copies of it.  I'm not a big tree lover in the first place.  In fact, there's one particular tree behind my house that's preventing me from getting DirecTV, and therefore the NFL package.  I want that tree to die.  And I'll happlily print out copy after copy of my bank's letter until the paper manufacturers have no choice but to chop down that tree to make more paper, and then I can get my satellite TV and NFL package back. 
But what this really boils down to is what I've talked about many times.  People (and businesses) are basically full of shit.  They say whatever they think you want to hear.  Do I think my bank put that little notice on that email because they all sit around fretting about the fate of the planet or the trees?  Fuck no they don't.  They care less about the trees than I do, and that's not much.  They put that sentence in there because they think that makes them look like some upstanding environmental citizen.  It looks good and it sounds good and it means absolutely nothing.
So I hope all of you will print out this blog and share it with your friends.  Print tons of copies, plaster it everywhere.  At least until I get my fucking DirecTV back...